Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
