She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
