it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
