Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
