im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
