So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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