he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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