come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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