I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
