Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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