Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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