Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize