I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize