Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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