You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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