Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
