A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
