No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
