A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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