So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
