Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
