U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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