I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
All I want is dick and wine.
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