No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
