those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
