Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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