Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
and you fell through a lawn chair
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
