guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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