dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
