I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
