What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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