I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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