does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
