So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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