In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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