im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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