apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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