I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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