it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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