i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
