you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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