And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize