Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize