I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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