You made me cry and you don't even care
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
