A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
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