She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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