haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Drake has all the answers
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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