So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
