So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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