no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
