guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
