hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
