This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
