My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
