i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
