Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
