What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
