This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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