A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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