How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
