There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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