4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
