Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
