I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he thought i was a dude.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
