Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
