all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
